Nudes in Mosaic

September 16, 2014 at 11:19pm
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It is inevitable, at the same time essential for me to be a pessimist. It gets my heart pumpin’, my brain in overdrive. Thinking of the worst possible scenario. I don’t like how I feel whenever this allergy of some sort floods my thoughts. Even submerging my whole being at worse times. It is actually illogical if I think about it in a sane state of mind. But looking and expecting the worse gives me a relief when the actual situation unfolds. The rise from the deepest part of the ocean, even just up to bearable depths is an inexplicable feeling. I can’t help it. Its not trust issues because I know the ideas have one in a million chance of actually happening. It’s just, it’s me. It’s what I do and I’ll just keep on hoping that where I think I am is the deepest trench on my imaginary earth.

September 11, 2014 at 12:03am
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Transformation of Happiness

This is how happiness last in my human body. I will be inexplicably overjoyed by the goodnews that I just received. For some time. Maybe 1 hour. Half a day if it’s really good. Then it will be followed by an eternity of negative thoughts that could happen next. Law of averages maybe. The thought of reality catching up to me, pulling me back down to the ground. On my back, and struggling to get up, I long for another moment of pure happiness that will again only last until my mind smashes it with paranoia.

August 17, 2014 at 10:12pm
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I can’t wait for the semester to grow around me and gobble me up with deadlines. I can’t wait till my table is filled with readings I can’t finish. I need to do 3 papers each week just to be busy. It sucks that the sem is just starting. This is not sarcasm at its best. It’s my brain at its worst. I need to be busy so I can get you off my head. 

July 13, 2014 at 12:38am
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Honestly, I am in the stage where I still can’t put into words why I love you. I can’t make a speech about why I kissed you that night, or what I felt when you said yes, or whenever we’re together.

I can try right now.

But it won’t do you justice. Some might say that that is what love is supposed to do to you. You should be speechless. I beg to differ. You being speechless is a product of ignorance. You are not overwhelmed everytime to be speechless. I still don’t know a lot of things about you. Shallow things are no problem. The things I want to know are those that will define what, when, where, why and who you are to me. 

Maybe when I see you do stuff. When I will be able to observe you from a distance, then closer. then with you. Maybe when I see you dance, when I see your grace. When I see you move fluidly with the notes. Maybe when we spend a weekend together. Seeing you doing stuff that I have never thought you’d be able to do. It will be a long process, and I hope we find the time. 

July 4, 2014 at 8:56pm
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Breathe in, breathe out  .

Stop polluting your mind

If you feel like you are going to shout,

Just hug the first thing that you find.

Or maybe you can punch the wall,

whatever makes the pain go another way

You really just need to give her a call,

I love you is all you have to say.